PlatoNiX 

The Beginning is The End & The End is The Beginning... Is it??? ~~ Doh, whatever

Yeah computers... People are talking about computers these days, especially about the net and how today's world has become a global village - a big world made small.

Rewinding back to the first time I laid my hands on a desktop pc, it was an apple computer and I was about 10 years old then. It was the first computer class that my school held and I was one of the lucky students. Back then desktop pc was considered as one of the luxuries and not many people were lucky enough to get to it. Not much that I've learned from that class but we learned Basic Programming, and now I think it was a nice introduction of a computer to me.

When I was 13 I got to know other computers and they are the IBM compatibles. My knowledge grew from Basic Programming to other small applications like WordStar, dbase, and lotus. Most of these programs were operated under DOS prompt and at the same time I learned a few basics of DOS commands - I found them still useful to these days =)

When I was about 17 or 18 I've never dreamed that I would get a desktop computer but mom brought the matter up. I remember I told her that it wasn't necessary because it would need a lot of money to buy one. But mom insisted that it would be a good investment that bro, sis and me could learn computers and so mom bought us one desktop pc. It was an Aztech Tracer Series (AMD 486DX-4 100MHz, 8Mb Ram, EISA Video, 850Mb HDD, Aztech 16bit Soundcard with Quad CDROM drive). That time the machine was kind of powerful enough that Pentium chips just made their debut with 60MHz clock speed chip. And start with that pc I learned a lot of news things about desktop computer.

At first the pc was mainly used for games besides not too much school works and spreadsheets. I got myself learning the hard way of tweaking the system for most of dos games, which require quite a lot out of 640Kb conventional memory. I got to learn how to load device drivers, writing simple batch files, editing and making "config" files and others.

Then I went messing with the Windows 95 operating system. I could tell that almost all of the corruption that I made in the windows and its files were because of tweaking the system for games. In the beginning when the system crashed, I droved the CPU back to the shop for reinstall then after a few times, I did the installation by myself and I mastered that just in a while - just trial and error, besides I wasn't afraid to try stuffs for there were adequate documentations and instructions to read from.

Not long after that, when I got a hold of know how of software installation, I moved over to a lil of hardware. The first device that I bought for the pc was a modem. It was a Zoltrix 14.4Kb modem. In no time I leaned about the Internet, the browser, the IP address, voice conference, the chatting, the online gaming, the downloading, emailing and heaps of stuffs.

As my interest on computers grew my knowledge on it grew along. That 486 has gone through upgrades. The first upgrade that I've done was adding a piece of 32Mb EDO ram totaling up the memory to 40Mb. there were many things that I've done to that pc and the furthest it got was being an AMD K6/2 3D Now, 64Mb SDRAM, 6.4Gb HDD, 16Mb Diamond Monster Fusion 3D Card, 40X CDROM drive and 4x CD writer. I think I have a good knowledge on computer hardware that I could assemble one whole new pc.

During my college years, I assemble a lot of pcs besides doing many consumer software and hardware troubleshooting for friends. I also acquired a little knowledge on networking especially Windows peer-to-peer network. Well I did part time at management center and they had this job for me - be an administrator to their computer lab. At first there were only 15 pcs in the lab and all of them were connected in a LAN. They have this big hub there, which I say could support up to 50 pcs. Those 15 pcs were Pentium 200MMX on Windows 95. Having the full authority to those pcs, I could do many things with them provided that there would be no problem when the students want to use the pcs. Yup I learned a lot that time and the last time when I left the job, the computer lab had another 15 pcs (Celeron 333), and a dedicated server and all were networked and run on Windows NT.

Well I think that is all about to tell, me and computer hehehe... it is kind of strange that many friends considered me as the tech person in pc. The thing that I know is not much, it is just that my interest that draws me towards it and pick up things - computer is one fascination to me and I like doing it - putting a new pc, read about computer hardware and software, documentations and reviews, hardware and software troubleshooting, testing new programs, doing homepage, a lil graphics and etc - Walla you have me as a tech person in pc =)... so it is not hard to be like me, all you got to have is a lil interest and consistence - that will work...

One Experience I'll Never Forget

A Day In My Life

It was Thursday, April 15, 1999... Classes were boring as usual. My relationship with my all time best friend Bart became colder. We hardly say hi to each other anymore. I got the pressure and he didn't as he was popular among peers (had a lot of friends) while I was a loner (not much into socializing)... I got bored as the day went on....

I could sense that something was wrong with me that day... I didn't have the appetite that day to have a load of lunch as usual but a plate of spaghetti and the sauce... Then i had language class at breathe. After class I went to the lab as usual to do what I usually do - checking out the lab, updates, surf a bit, and have some chat with regulars in some channels.

These days, internet had been a good help to me, a place where I could talk to people freely about things, relating myself with others and vice versa, participate in forum and so... However I still longed for the real life connection I believed that I lacked of - the problem of trust, feeling of insecurity, lack of support or whatever...

I left the lab quite early that day, 6pm I left for my dorm. On the way, I stopped by the shop to get some milk as my stomach was making sounds... As usual no body was in the room when I got to my room... Bart and Mark were out playing football, Bud was probably out with his chick, leaving me an empty room (Bart, Mark, Bud and me were roommates). When my duty was done, I raced upstairs to see if ne1 else was still there. I was lucky that Hicks's room was opened and nobody was on his computer, which gave the whole evening for Computer Games hehehe... (Hicks, Matt, Chuck and Sean were roommates).

When it got dark, everybody got home... Hicks challenged me on Street Fighter Zero 2, hell it was great... It seemed that PC game is one thing that could make me happy - well I could scream and tease as I pleased to while playing... Actually I was the one who introduced SFZ2 to friends there and was real good at manipulating all combos and moves and beat up all my opponents but my friends got better at it and sometimes I got beaten : ).... When it was apparent that I could no more challenge Hicks on that game I decided to head down to my room... Hell he had a good laugh for that.

Chuck informed me that we have a water polo match that night at the pool 8:30 sharp... Damn I forgot that our team had played last night and we have to continue 3 more games tonight... I wasn’t playing last night because I had test and right at that moment was thinking "tonight I am sure it's gonna be a blast - I'm gonna have myself a lot of fun in the water tonight, I'll forget all about burdens, tests, unfinished notes, exercises, and all my problems... WhoooHoooo..."

...It was almost 8:30 PM when Chuck, Matt and me got in the car heading for the pool to join other players...

At the pool - The flood lights were on, the organizing committee had the sound system tuned to music, players were splish splash in the pool, spectators were shouting in excitement, sometimes all people around the pool laughed at the players in pool playing figures and making fool of themselves. Our teams played 3 games that night, in between there were other matches for other teams and we could catch our breathe for the next game... I had a real great time that night (I was lively that night - that was rare) - I remember shouting with the crowd non stop on one match of my support team, watching the ball crashing the net and the player trying to stop the ball... Even though our team did not make it to the final (we lost 2 out of 3 games), we all had a great fun that night.. The game ended at 11:00 PM

After the game, we had a chat at the bench and then it started to happen...

I felt itch on my back and on both of my arms... I asked Matt whether he felt any? He said he did not but last night, yes... (He played last night's game for the team)... Last night it was no good sleep for him as he got the itch all over his body but it was not too bad...

"Shit, I made a mistake!!!" I should had gotten shower between games so that my body won’t have much sticky chlorine on... That was why i got this itch... At this point i didn't expect that something big gonna hit me in the next hour, we finished our chat and headed home...

Bart was at his table doing some revision, he took one glance at me and continued on as I open the door. That moment I started to feel even itchier, all over, I could feel both of my ears were burning, arms and body were getting warmer... I could see many red spots were emerging on my skins... I threw all the gears next to my bed and headed for shower, on the way out I said to Bart that I might need him to help me after shower...

During shower, I rubbed all my body parts with body soap evenly making sure that no chlorine left to spare... At first it felt good because of the cool water but not for long... The red spots continued emerging... I could see them clearly on my arms, my face and I was starting to feel the back of my neck was getting tight... The itchiness was unbearable now that I could scratch both of my legs... I couldn’t do that (they would only damage my skins)... Keep shower...When done, I dried myself and back at the room I showed Bart my body and he was shocked to see what had happened to me...

11:30 PM - "Lets go to the college clinic. I need you to send me there"... Mark and Bud were not at the room at the moment. I slipped into a soft t shirt and a pant. Bart grabbed Mark's car key and off we to the clinic. On the way to the clinic (5 minutes drive) he asked me what happened and I told him the story – maybe it was because of the pool - excessive chlorine, or maybe I was allergic to chlorine… Bart was still cold towards me but I could sense his concern…

At the clinic, I went to the counter to register and the attendant there was shocked to see my swollen figure… There were other patients waiting too but there weren’t much of in emergency like me… The attendant and other patients agreed to let me see the doc next… While waiting at the waiting chair, I could feel that my figure had changed… my arms were swollen and fat. Bart was beside me watching me… I touched my left back hand. It looked like a monster’s hand, the swollen part had became pale leaving the unaffected skin between fingers red… By this time the itchiness was so unbearable, I would have scratch my body all over until my balls fall off hehehe…I asked Bart if he wanna touch my hand. He agreed and grinned while touching my hand…. “I should have brought along the camera and snapped a few so you could see for yourself later what you have became”. Then my name was called.

I walked into the doc’s room… In the room I was asked questions and examined… The doc said that my blood pressure was low at that moment and told me to lie down on the bed. I got up and suddenly I got this blur vision, as I began to take a step I was starting to lose my hearing ability – there was a high pitch sound… I was beginning to faint but as I got in the bed, everything went alright …

And again the doc checked me, the pulse, the blood pressure, still low… I heard him said 80/60. The doc said “your blood pressure is low, that’s why youre fainting… Now im gonna give you 2 injections and both will be on your butt so that it will act fast. Now give way, you don’t have to be shy hehehe”… My left butt had to be sacrificed in this ordeal… Shit, I hate needles!!! I just hate the thought of syringe needle piercing my butt and then the pain of the drug being pumped in..The doc gave me 2 shots of I.M. Adrenaline and soon after that my body began to shake wild, the room felt too cold for me, it was like sleeping naked in the fridge. I complained to the doctor and he ordered nurse to get some blanket…

Checked again… My blood pressure was still low… The doc became concern whether I had any difficulty in brething, I said no…They saw me turning pale and they brought in the oxygen and put me on oxygen mask…. Blood pressure still low, the doc was considering to give me an IV. He called his collegues for second opinion and decided to go on with the IV and if it fails to bring up my blood pressure back to normal, I would be sent away to the Central Hospital. Up to that moment, I felt nothing, nothing was really wrong with me. I could breathe naturally just like before, there were no more itches except that my body was still swollen and I felt tired (I was simply tired after the game and the fact that I hadn’t had my dinner yet) but this doc thought of something really wrong with me… I told him that I was simply tired after the game and hadn’t had my dinner yet, this was why my blood pressure was low… The swollen made me looked in bad shape but it was nothing but chemical reaction of my body to fight the chlorine from coming into my body systems.

Once ago I was quarantined because of food poisoning. It happened one morning when I had to make many visits to the “bowl”. I knew something was wrong and went to the clinic and insist on injection because I knew it was kinda too late that the situation was getting worse (the point when injection is much more effective than oral medicine) but the doc gave me oral medicine… It was too late that I was starting to throw up everything I ate including the medicine. Went back to the clinic, told what happened – at the clinic I started to get dizzy and throw up many times (I’ve lost many fluids because of that)… They had to hold me at sick bay and I was given a shot and an IV. I hate needles and IV. I was held up there (sick bay) for the whole day and was released in the evening - I got really tired after that. I just hate the thought of needle sticking in my skin streaming the medicine solution into my body, no freedom to move around with the wire sticked to me…

Back to current situation - The doc had to give me another shot (I.M. Cortisone) before that IV needle again, the doc had a hard time searching for the right veins. My whole body was swollen and he couldn’t detect any veins. At the end he just squieeze that needle into my right arm but he wasn’t lucky… I WASN’T LUCKY!!! The needle didn’t get to the vein and the doc had to take it out. Shit, I was bleeding!!! FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, HOW COULD HE MANAGED TO BECOME A DOCTOR??!!

I became thirsty – hadn’t drink anything since the game. The nurse gave me a few sips of warm milk. My blood pressure was still low and the doc finally decided to fetch me to the Central Hospital. This time I was given another injection but I didn’t know what it was (couldn’t remember the name - didn’t matter neway) – I was wheeled to the ambulance and the nurse told Bart that I had to be sent to the Central Hospital fearing of something could happen (blood pressure was still low)…

Anaphylaxis – that was what the doc said. It was somekind of life threatening shock and I got that. I was admitted to ER at first and then I got lucky as they sent me to the out patient. The doc and the attendants there were very nice. I was quite sure that I could walk right without aid but they insisted the wheel chair. I was diagnosed again there by another doctor, I gave the doc the note which the college doc gave me before he left (a scribble of what had been injected in me hehehe). And she (the doc) said that I had to be warded as they were afraid that something could happen to me – they were gonna watch me. I had to wait for them to assign me the room.

It was quite an experience to see what was the out patient like during that hour (1-2am)… I saw many people coming in and out – all were sick people and some were weird people. I saw one woman in her 20s, quite pretty, an IV sticked to her, was handcuffed and accompanied by one policewoman. Maybe she committed some crimes. Then there was this man in his 40s, sitting on a wheelchair, head up with the eyes shut, looked pretty tired/sick with IV on each arm. I saw an old man with a blood stained bandage around his head walking out of one of the doctor’s room. He must had something hit his head real hard. I wonder how much had he lost his blood from that… A toddler screamed as the doc gave him an injection. I wonder what got him here this round of hour. Then there were two youths (18-20) – This one attracted me, one was ok but the other was not. Well he was like half conscious and slumping on his chair while the other guy held him steady. They must have been friends I thought. This guy was trying to lift his friend who was unable to walk – probably from a motor bike accident – bruises right leg down, arms, chin. Just about he was lifting his friend, then there was a weak groan from his friend… He mumbled about his leg… The attendant there should have given them a wheel chair… Then he tried to lift his friend and the groan again… His friend who was lifting the other was like crying, lost, worried, and didn’t know what to do and everybody at the out patient was looking at them… It was touching that I finally gave up my wheel chair and gave it to them – I wasn’t supposed to do that as the doc had advised me earlier to remain seated or else, I might faint (low blood pressure), it was just a wheel chair, I could take other chair. That youth didn’t say anything, just a look in my eyes and I understand what did it means. Carefully he put his friend on the wheel chair (his friend did groan) and off they went to the doc.

I think I’ve waited there for almost an hour before they assigned me a room, then an attendant came to me that a carrier was waiting for me to move patients to their respective ward complex. He lead me outside and I got aboard the carrier.

2:00AM - The ride took only 2/3 minutes and I reached my ward complex. With the forms given earlier I walked to the counter and was attended by a nurse there. I was checked again with this machine – a “fill air canvas” was wrapped around my bicep and the nurse went push buttons with its box controller, it has a digital readings and a motor pump. Done that, they made me sign a few forms. Then my friend – Bart, Hicks, Bud and Simon (a friend next to Hick’s room) arrived. Damn I was glad to see them. We just exchanged smiles as I was busy with the nurse and they took their seats at the back.

When the forms were all completed, then it was time for me to get into the bed (God I need rest). The nurse led the way. I was still tired, tailed the nurse to the room. I walked pass my friends (who were sitting on the chair), “be careful Lad, you might fall” teased them. I hushed them and walked on. I wasn’t expecting it, as the nurse and I got into the room, I felt like losing balance, my head got a bit dizzy. I stopped for a moment and took a deep breathe before continue walking. Then it happened. Head dizzy again and I was starting to loose my sight. The room is getting darker…

Trying not to panic, I called the nurse who lead me, “nurse, I think I’m gonna faint”. I know it was going to happen… Maybe she didn’t hear me, I called her again but this time I stressed out my voice a bit and held out my right hand – fearing I might fall on the spot, “nurse, I think I’m gonna faint”.

Then all that I could remember was she shouted for help… Everything got dark… Loosing sight… Then the high pitch sound… Loosing my hearing… I could feel my body was as light as feather… I felt numb… Relaxed… Then, NOTHING!!!

I thought I was dead but I wasn’t (if I was dead then you couldn’t have read this hehehe). Fainting is cool I think – from my experience. As I regained my consciousness, I realized that I had fainted only a few seconds. I saw Hicks was holding my head – I was sure that it was him because of his black and white jersey, there were others also holding my body parts – probably the nurses and my other friends. They were lifting and moving my body to the bed. The bed sure was comfortable but the situation gave me the idea that it was going to be a hell of night for me. Now I could see the doc and the nurses were doing things to my body. The doc gave me a shot (on my shoulder)… Then they fixed IV needle on each of my arms. It was painful when
the needles were jabbed into my veins, I was too tired and they didn’t matter to me anymore… The IV solutions began to flow into my body through my veins. I could feel every drop of it was coming into my body, I could feel the cool fine line flowing from my both arms up to the shoulders, it was a funny feeling, kinda tingle.

I felt tired but relaxed from then on. The doc began to check me up, measured my blood pressure – lower than normal, my pulse… Then he started to ask me questions, simple questions. I think he wanted to make sure that I was fully awake, not semi conscious. He asked me what was my name, where was I, what day it was and so and so, “well doc, I don’t know what day is today but if yesterday was Wednesday, today is Thursday and for sure tomorrow is gonna be Friday… Am I conscious doc?”. He smiled and then he asked me what really happened to me and did I experience any difficulty in breathing - I told him all and there was no difficulty in breathing... I think the doc was a funny person because he tried to become one. He threatened me not to drift into sleep or he will needle me with his bunch of needle supplies (they got boxes of syringe needles – I saw one box on the trolley at that moment).

When the questioning was done, my friends were allowed to see me. I knew there were worried about me, I could read their faces.

Hicks: “Hi Lad, your way of fainting was cool Lad, you should have seen it by yourself”.

Me: Why was that?”

Simon: “You landed on that cute nurse”.

Me: “Wow, too bad I was fainting – lost my senses. Lucky that nurse didn’t get squished. I should apologize to her. I’ll do that”.

Bart: “So, how do you feel now?”

Me: “I’m ok for now, just tired, hungry, and thirsty… Can I have something here? Try ask the doc whether I can eat or drink something?”

We didn’t know why the doc won’t let me have something except a few sips of water, and I shouldn’t fall asleep. So my friends just hang there for a while with me in the bed. They didn’t know the story how did I get here except Bart – and I storied them, the game, the allergy, body swollen, injections on the butt LOL, IV, needles and etc… Then came again the doc with another doc. I think the other doc must be a specialist – he wasn’t funny at all, firm and serious. My friends were told to wait outside for a while. Again he asked me the same questions and if there was any allergy that I have, my family medical background history, what have I eaten that day, any difficulty in breathing and etc… I asked the doc again whether I could eat or drink or fall asleep. He said yes, “do as you pleased, you need to regain energy, so eat, drink, and try to get some sleep”. The doc finished questioning, he ordered the nurse to record my pulse readings and they were out of the room.

My friends came in, then came a nurse with an electronic instrument with a trolley. That thing had monitor, control panel, and many wires. She said she wants to record my pulse readings and I had to take off my shirt. She then applied some grease on a several spots on my body (mainly on chest), both wrists and both ankles. Then both of my ankles and wrists were clipped with a steel clippers which had wires attached to each of them leading to the instrument. Then she attached several “button like” thing on my chest (also wired). They sticked nicely on my chest with the small vacuum ability (Thank God she didn’t stick it to my nipples hehehe). After that I was fully wired and the nurse told me to remain calm. “You’re wired Lad… She’s gonna shock you Lad, hehehe” Hicks giggled. “Naah”… It took only 2/3 minutes for that to finish. Everything was taken off me after the reading has been taken. The nurse brought another instrument, she clipped my left thumb with a plastic clip (it’s wired to the instrument), it was a pulse reader, she told me that they were going to watch me all night, if anything happens, they’ll know it.

As the nurse left, we began to explore the new instrument. It was attractive where we could see my own pulse. It displayed the beep line and pulse count per minute. I could see it was fluctuating from 80 to 90 something.

Simon: “If he dies, there will be a straight line and a long beep”.

Me: “Oh no I don’t. I’m not gonna die tonight”.

Bud: “Then what about your pale face and that 2 Ivs sticked to you, you looked terrible Lad… ”.

Me: “I know you were kidding but I do looked bad right?”

Bart: “Just forget about it because you’re gonna be ok. I’m going out Lad, any request? Wanna eat something?"

Me: “I don’t know… Just get me anything…"

Bart: “Ok, I’ll be back soon. You just stay here, and these guys will keep you accompanied (smiling)… Hicks, wanna come with me?”

Hicks: “sure”

Then they were off to some shop outside the hospital leaving me with Simon and Bud.Simon and Bud couldn’t believe what had happened to me. Simon told me that he saw me at the pool very lively but now I was like squid, this couldn’t be happening… Well I said to him “sometimes shit happens mate”. I was real tired that moment, Bud started to massage my calves and we kept talking, it was a slow talk, friend to friend kind of talk. Boy I was glad to have them at that moment, not being ignored liked I used to be. I was damn sure that if anything happens to my friends, I would be there for them. It is the strongest moral support that I’ve ever experienced which I’m gonna give to them whenever needed.

About 15-20 minutes later Bart and Hicks came back with a pack of bread, drinks, magazine and some candy. I don’t remember what was I thinking about that moment that I refused to eat and worried my friends. We just talk and talk and talk and….

Since the two ivs didn’t give a good freedom for me to move my arms around, from time to time I checked the plastic tubes which wired to me making sure that they were free – or else I would accidentally snap them out “the pain in the skin IV needles” which feared me. And I found out that both of the IV bottles were already empty… We were still talking while I was listenning to them when I felt a bit uneasy with my chest (like anxiety was coming to me – adrenaline rush). I thought it was nothing of importance but it was something and it did turn out to something else. Bart, Bud, Hicks and Simon were sitting around me on the bed talking when this dread thing was coming. It was the pain that tried to take my breath away. I felt like shit because of it and because of it I’ve learned something which no other things could teach me about – what was it like to be close to death, in one of many ways.

It started with my chest. I felt my back is getting warmer like someone was pouring a pail of warm water to my body on and on. I was starting to get short on my breathing, trying to suck hard the air, the spasm attacked my chest, abdomen, all the way down to my hips and legs. I was starting to get restless when Bart noticed my face changed and ask “Lad, are ok?”… All I could say that moment was “hhhelpp….” Unable to call for help properly, and my breathing got worse. It was the rally of my life. My battle on breathing. And yet it was my confusion with what was wrong with my body that I couldn’t breathe normally just like before. Everybody was surprised to my sudden change and they all got off the bed. It got worst as I was sucking the air just like the asmathic patient who short on breath and I was restless in the bed – the tiredness was unbearable. My pulse went up but I didn’t know by how much… (if I’m not mistaken 140 something, maybe higher) it didn’t matter to me at that time. I could feel my heart thumping and racing, I could feel the blood flow at the both sides of my neck through my neck veins. I could feel the blood flow up to my temple. I could feel every pulse of my heart.

I was strugling for air when the doc dashed into the room followed by the nurses. My friends who were terrified by my critical condition were told to go outside. The doc knew I was facing breathing problem as Bart had informed him so when they dashed in. I could say that the pain of choking that time was like 7 to 10 with 10 being the worst. It was like hiccup and inhale that went together. I was sure that I could take a lung full of air but I got the intake only a very small fraction of it, like 1 to 10, my body just didn’t respond… And so I was getting short on oxygen and my lip had turned to blue. It was really scary as I was dying for air while the doc bombarded me with many questions. I could say that I suffered much already and I got real angry with the doc when he asked me the same questions he had asked me before – How did this happen? Are you allergic to something? Nething you ate during the day? The family medical history and others… I was angry that I was strugling for air and couldn’t even speak right with the hiccup and choke. The oxygen mask had no effect at all – it didn’t help the situation. I was restless and I took the mask off. The doc told me to put it on and he put it on again. My pulses were racing. The doc ordered another bottle of IV while he injected another shot through the plastic tube to my vein. I was starting to lose my mind as my chest felt like was burning. The room was like closing on me. The doc kept asking me that damn same questions and I got even more angry.

Then it came to me that if I want to stay alive, I have to fight, I have to help the doc in order for him to help me, I have to respond no matter how hard it is going to be. It was tough to say anything, even a word with my uneven breathing and gasping. I looked into the doc’s eyes and answered him. I answered all the doc’s questions. “Still no reason for this condition… Why? Is there anything else?”, the doc. He told me to tell him something that he didn’t know. With all my might, I “choked” out to the doc that my dad died because of Hepatitis B. Instinctively, he check my skin, then my eyes… No sign of “jaundice” – yellowish. It was the hardest to speak that time of all my experience. A word I said was like being swallowed back into my throat as it came over my lips. I was choking. Choking to near death. Too bad the doc could never do a thing about my condition. He didn’t know the reason why I had that breathing difficulty. Has it got to do with the pool chlorine? Or the IVs? Or could it be the injections that I had before? Or maybe I have certain allergy to certain medicine. My mom told me that I had an allergy to this medicine when I was a little child. She told me that a doc had given me one or two types of antibiotics to cure my skin rash and my body had turned blue after taking that antibiotics – got warded for that. However, that time our family doc couldn’t detect whether it was the medine or the food I ate that day. I “choked” out that too.

Without knowing what to do to improve my condition, the doc told me, looking in the eyes, “try to relax Lad, concentrate on your breathing, I’ll get back ASAP. I’ll try to figure out something from your earlier diagnose. The nurse will be here. I assure you things will get better”. He checked the IV bottle and then left. All I could think about, that time were my family members, my mom, my beloved 10 year old brother (love him very much), my siblings and my friends. “God, what is happening to me. Are you going to take my life today?” I almost cry that moment… I think I cried a bit. Actually I had nothing to worry about if God did really want to take me with Him except my love for my families. The nurse tried to calm me down as I was restless with my legs, moving left and right – unbearably tired. She told me that moving too much won’t help or I’ll get more tired. I stopped. I still could see my chest went up and down unevenly and sometimes it stopped as I shuddered because of the choke. The oxygen mask was bugging me – felt like taking it off and throwing it to the wall but I have to listen to the doc – concentrate on your breathing. I took a glance at my pulse reading (the equipment on the trolley, thumb clipper) the digital line reading was actively moving up and down. The clock above the door of the room showed 3:15AM. The IV drops were like in time warp – each drop was taking like a minute after another. My struggle for air was like forever. The room was cold, I told the nurse that I am cold. She tucked me the blanket – trying to comfort me. And I prayed to God…

My friends were back at my sides. Bud was there beside me holding my hand. He told me to stay on fighting, concentrate on my breathing. I have never saw him so worried before. Everybody else was quiet, nothing to say, didn’t know what to do. But all shared the same feeling, worried – I was sure of it. The attack which seemed forever, lasted for about 10 to 15 minutes. The newly replaced IV bottle has made its effect on me. My pulse rate was getting down to below 100, I was starting to relax on breathing – I could take a deeper breath with little hiccup except that I was cold. I told Bud that I am cold. The nurse brought another blanket and Bud tucked it on me. Then I had two blankets over me. Bart started to massage my calves and it got better. The struggled made my chest ached and my body so tired. I felt like being pinned by tons of stones.

I called Bart, “don’t call my mom yet. I don’t want to worry her and the family. She might come over if you tell her what seemed serious here. It’s a long journey for her to come over. I may turn out to be healthy and ok tomorrow but since I’m not stable, if “nething” does happen to me, call her and say that I love her and I’m sorry”.

“You don’t say that Lad… You’ll ok by tomorrow”, said Bart.

“I know, I understand that… But don’t call her yet, I don’t want to worry her”, I said.

Bart, “Ok, but you stay on fight…”

Glancing at the clock, “I will.. You guys have done much now, I love you guys. Soon it will be 4am. Get back to college and get some rest. Just leave me to the doc, I’ll be fine”.

“It’s ok Lad, we’ll stay a while”, said Bart – others just agreed.

“Whatever. You may leave anytime you want, I’m just gonna try to rest now, maybe I’ll sleep”. I said, trying to end the conversation.

My breathing was getting normal, only a few hiccups. The blanket was warm, I closed my eyes as I drifted to sleep.

Friday, April 16, 1999… I checked out at 12 noon. Called Bud and he came with his girl to pick me. A group of doctors had came to me and asked questions earlier in the morning. They read my diagnose and couldn’t figure out what made me almost suffocated last night. They had to dismiss me since my body showed nothing was wrong – turned normal again. The nurse had took off the plastic IV needles from both of my arms and I had the mark of that two needles on my skins for the whole week and along with that, the pain left on the spot. I was strong and healthy again maybe extra strong because I had that strange “nerve” – maybe it was because of the adrenaline shot last night…

That afternoon I helped Mark with the program as we had planned before. Our club society were having indoor games and Mark and I had planned for FIFA99 multiplayer match. I was incharged in the hardware and software setup while Mark took care of the participants, the scoring and the prizes. I couldn’t believe myself that day for having been able to handle those 6 pcs we were having for that FIFA99 all by myself – moving them from the dorm to the game center, setting them up, and brought them back to the dorm when the game ended at night. And at the end of the day, I was totally exhausted and had a very good night sleep. That Friday made me felt like a popular dude at the college. Everybody was asking me how am I doing, what happened last night, how did it happen – They made me tired answering the same questions and I couldn’t stop smiling while talking to some of them. Now I realized that many people knew me at the college, except that I didn’t even know some of them and their names – I just recognized them by faces only.

I retold the story to some of my close friends, how I had gone through the hard time that night, how the stupid college doc missed my vein into hurting my arm with the IV needle, my poor butt been “gave up” to the doc (hehehe), the out patient, how was it like to faint (over the cute nurse hehehe), and that dread struggle in breathing. Some of them listened and some made fun of me, but I didn’t care much about that – they were my friends. What I did care that time was how glad was I to be able to breathe the air that God gave us. Thank God for that…

Sunday, May 30, 1999
“What good is a phone call if you’re unable to speak?” – The Matrix
"What good is air when you're unable to breathe?" - Me =)